Emotion Vs. Reason (Or as I like to call it, What to Expect When Expecting a Puppy)

Lab-Weimaraner mix at 10 weeks old.

I recently experienced a huge disruption in my otherwise peaceful life.  After years of anticipation, my husband and I decided to adopt a puppy from the local shelter.

For the longest time I had two voices on the issue.  The first voice, my inner animal lover, said, “You’ll be saving a life and getting years of fulfilling companionship.”  The second and more practical voice countered with, “Only when you buy a house with a reasonable yard.  No, that’s not big enough, wait until the next house and try again.”  So when we moved into our second home, the animal-lover said, “Okay, now we can get a puppy.  I’ve met your criteria.”  To which the voice of reason said, “That yard is sufficient, but now you are working very long hours. This isn’t the time to get a puppy.”  It was true, I was commuting nearly four hours on top of managing a heavy workload. And then everything changed.

My husband’s job relocation allowed me to quit my demanding job and move into a home on a 3 acre lot.  The voice of reason had run out of excuses, and the more passive animal-lover said, “It’s time!” When the local animal shelter posted newborn Labrador-Weimaraner puppies, I knew the stars had truly aligned.

Adopting a new puppy is somewhat similar to expecting a child.  While I was waiting for the puppy to be weaned from his dog-mommy, I started purchasing all the necessities and preparing the house.  I also had an unexpected experience- sheer panic.  I would wake in the middle of the night and think, “I’m not ready for this!  There is a reason we don’t have kids yet! This is too much commitment!”  The voice of reason seemed to be pulling out all the stops.  I decided to keep these doubts to myself, sure that the feelings would pass and that my maternal instincts would kick in when the sweet little furball came home. 

The sweet little furball cried and howled throughout the entire first night.  I took him outside five times in the freezing midnight darkness, thinking that making him “hold it” was too torturous for both of us.  I had no intention of letting him sleep anywhere but his crate, but I was at his beck and call when it came to potty time.  I must have taken him out 50 times a day in the beginning, just in case.  I quickly wised-up and developed a strict schedule based on quantitative analysis.

(time in between potties) = (puppies age in weeks) x (15 minutes)

During the first weeks, I continued having bouts of panic about my decision to get a new family member.  I stopped showering, the cat started to avoid me, and my life revolved around the potty schedule of this furry little thing. I didn’t have time for afternoon tea, or crafts, or blogging/email/communication with anyone but the dog.  My conversation consisted of nothing but “Good potty” or “No!!”

The puppy is now 10 weeks old, and I am still struggling with my inner voices.  The animal-lover says, “Stick it out, this time will pass.  You committed to this, and you are responsible for this little life.  Your temporary misery is irrelevant.”  The practical, voice of reason says, “You don’t enjoy playing with him, and you feel little affection towards him. He is causing stress on your marriage and creating a lifestyle that you don’t want. Take him back to find a more suitable home.” As a shelter volunteer for years, I am shocked that these ideas even present themselves as options.  I feel terribly hypocritical. I’ve been known to curse people who adopt a pet, only to return it later.  I never understood how anyone could do that, and yet here I am experiencing such feelings.

I try my best to give him lots of exercise, both physical and mental, to show that I care for him.  But one chomp at the cat and I feel as though I could march him straight back to the shelter. When he performs well at obedience, I feel a deep sense of pride and start to think I can deal with puppy-hood.  Then later, when his obedience becomes selective, I feel a rage of frustration.

As of now, the problem is unresolved.  I wonder how normal or abnormal these feelings are.  Which inner voice should ultimately win this battle?